Freedom
by Abbey x x
Summary: Sam is haunted by something that happened in her past. How will she cope? Will anyone ever find out about these secrets that are haunting her day in day out?
1. Chapter 1

**Hi. So this is my first ever fic so don't expect much. Updates won't be very often. Revising for 11 exams is hard enough. Anyways Hop you enjoy it. **

_Pace by pace, step by step, she slowly padded along the dark, never ending strip of wood that tried to pass itself off as a corridor. The dust settled around her and danced through the occasional strip of light that shone through the hall. Her face was chalk white and her expression somewhat withdrawn. The baggy, army issue t-shirt hung from her shoulders, hiding a multitude of sins that resided underneath, whilst her combats clung closely to her calves, enhancing their muscular tone with every step she took. She winced as her bare feet graced the cold wooden panelling beneath her as she continued her journey down the passage._

_The door at the end of the corridor was in sight. She smiled at the fact that she was so close to the one thing she most truly desired at that very moment. Freedom. Her feet seemed to pick up speed before her head had even registered what was happening. A muffled voice was just about recognisable in the distance. "Hey!" Was it aimed at her? Well she was the only person around so the answer was probably yes. The heavy thud of footsteps came bounding upon her. Her feet picked up even more speed as a rush of adrenaline coarsed through her veins. Her heart was pounding so hard, it felt as if it were a time bomb waiting for the right moment to go off. The footsteps got closer. A lot closer. Too close for her liking. She sprinted forward, her muscles rippling with every step she pounded into the floor. In reality she was getting closer to her aim, but mentally this was far from the case. The idea of escaping was slowly being extracted from her fragile mind with every step her mysterious follower took towards her. Her hand stretched forward as she approached the door. This was it. Had she actually managed to escape? "Ten steps to go." She muttered to herself. "Almost there." Her outstretched fingers brushed the metal panel attached to the pane of wood. She turned back for a split second. It was a man. A man was chasing her. As her hand came into full contact with the door she was grabbed. The force pulling her backwards and on to the cold, hard ground. She was forced to her feet by the man pulling on her long blond hair. Two large arms enveloped her frame. She looked to the man who still had a hold of her hair. He was tall and slim with dirty blond hair and dark blue eyes. She caught a glimpse of the other figure that was restraining her. This revealed that it was another man. However, this one was much shorter than his counterpart and he had jet black hair and brown eyes. Both males wore crisp white lab coats, but she could see the army issue clothing that hid underneath. Who were they trying to fool? She knew who they were and what they wanted. _

_She was snapped out of her daydream by the brush of the man's hand on her exposed arm. He stared at her. His gaze seemed to hold that of her blue orbs as he produced a syringe of clear liquid. He smiled. A smile that was sure to haunt anyone for the rest of their lives. He clung to her arm as he drove the needle into her. A thick crimson liquid cascaded down her arm. Her breathing became laboured and her eyelids began to feel heavy. Too heavy, she lost all sense of awareness except for hearing the phrase "Goodnight Princess," and with that her body was overcome by a tingling sensation that plunged her into darkness._

**Please R&R. Until next time. Abbey x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ooh an update. Not even I saw that one coming. I guess spending 6 hours straight revising on a Sunday inspires me to write. Thank you to everyone who reviewed (I got 5 eeeppp) and for 9 follows. Quick shoutout to Brooke who has damaged her ligaments and is dosed up on painkillers. Get better buba and also to Katy who is my weirdo. Well mini rant (ish) over. Here is chapter 2. Enjoy!**

Sam bolted upright. Panting to try and catch her breath. Her skin was smothered in a cold sweat. She scanned the room, drinking in the familiar surroundings. This seemed to calm her slightly from the built up emotion she was currently feeling. The dimly lit lamp that resided on her bedside table seemed to bring a sense of comfort as it reminded her that she was safe. Well safer than she would feel compared to if she was in Afghanistan. She lay back on the bed, narrowly missing banging her head of the metal frame of the bed. She sighed. One that she hadn't realised she'd been holding. Her hands came up to her face and rubbed her eyes in an attempt to wake herself up. She glanced over at the LED alarm clock that perched next to her lamp on the bedside table. "3am. Seriously?" She muttered to herself. She pulled the duvet up to her neck and slipped down so her face was barely visible. Only 3 more hours until she had to get up for work. Trying to get back to sleep was going to be a major challenge. This was the fifth consecutive night she's had the same dream. Usually they varied in location or time of day, but this one just seemed to reoccur in the exact same way every night.

She closed her eyes in an attempt to calm her restless mind and finally get back to sleep but all she could think about was her dream. Well more of a nightmare. It had started to occur just after Tom had had his panic attack five days ago. Sam pondered on why this certain event in someone else's like had triggered this memory to come back and haunt her in the land of sleep. Was it because he meant so much to her? No. That couldn't be it. She liked him but it was far from love. Maybe it was because he reminded her of a colleague from the army. One who had been in that very dream. She hadn't seen his face in the dream but she knew exactly who it was, and that made all the difference.

After what seemed like forever, it was time for Sam to lug herself out from the confines of her warm, soft duvet and into reality. She traipsed into the bathroom and got into the shower. The hot water rolled off her head and down her back, leaving red marks as it went. Did Sam care? Not in the slightest. The pain of the searing heat washed away the intense emotional pain she had been put through during the night's events. She shut of the stream of water and stepped out onto the fluffy bath mat that was strewn onto the tiles. She grabbed the towel and wrapped it around her fragile frame. In doing so she caught a glimpse of her arm. There it was. The scar from the needle the very needle that was now infesting her dreams and turning them to nightmares. She sighed. She seemed to be doing that a lot recently. She padded back into her bedroom and perched on her crumpled sheets. She rummaged in her drawers and got out all of the things that were going to hide her past from the public eye and dragged them over her body. Wandering out of her room and into the bathroom again gave her the opportunity to look into the mirror. An action that had become less frequent in her daily life since her return from Afghanistan. She continued into the bathroom and scrounged through her cupboards until her found her makeup bag. It contained a rather expensive bottle of foundation, a couple of old, used mascara's, a tin a cracked eye shadow, which had become that way when she'd hurled it at a wall in annoyance, and various lipgloss's, ones that she wouldn't dare where now. Applying the makeup was the easy part. Trying to make it look like she hadn't spent the night with an Oompa Lumpa was the difficult bit. She wasn't the best at looking as one would say 'girly' as she had never had to. As a teenager she spent her time outdoors doing Duke of Edinburgh and Army cadets, then married a man who would rather a walk through a forest than a trip to Rome for the weekend, so she'd never found the appeal to apply the cosmetics to her delicate skin.

After the gruelling task of making herself look presentable to her patients, Sam bolted down the stairs and into the kitchen. There was something about the stairs that she didn't like. Maybe it was just that it was a small space or the fact that she could fall at any time, but, to be honest, she genuinely didn't know. The kitchen was dull with a thin patch of orange light glowing through the window. 'It's still early then' she thought to herself. After flicking the kettle on to boil, she got out her favourite mug and dropped coffee grains into it. She watched them splay out at the bottom of the mug and marvelled at the scattered pattern they created. The click of the kettle brought her back to reality as she grabbed the handle and picked it up. She hoped that the strong, black coffee would give her enough of a caffeine boost to at least get her in through the doors of the staff room and primarily, the ED. She grasped the handle with one hand and curled her other around the warm mug. As she brought it to her lips, her phone stared to ring causing her to jump and release the mug onto the hard ground. The mug smashed into pieces and coffee splatters everywhere. She glanced at the caller ID. "Tom!" She mumbled to herself. She leant down to pick up the pieces. He could wait.

As she cautiously bent down, her foot caught a patch of the brown liquid that coated the floor and sent her off balance. She fell heavily onto her hand which now had a rather large shard of ceramic sticking into it. She winced as she grabbed a tea towel and wrapped it around the large wound whilst trying to avoid knocking the shard. She got to her feet and sat down at the kitchen table. Her head felt back against the back of the chair. She closed her eyes and thought, "he always caused trouble. Even when he's not around."

**Thank you for reading. Please R&R :-D**


	3. Chapter 3

**First of all, I apologise for the long pause between updates but finally all of my 13 exams have come to an end (Wahoo). So anyway here comes my dedications. This chapter is dedicated to Katy (who I think has been mentioned in every update so far), Callie and Lauren. This is for you guys as you've been there for me the last couple of weeks through my exam stress and other things. Thank you x**

**Okay so here is chapter 3. Hope you enjoy it **

Sam contemplated whether to walk, run or cycle to work. In all honesty, all three were out of the question until she got her hand sorted. She was in too much pain to even walk from the kitchen to the bathroom, let alone walk to work. She sighed for the umpteenth time that morning and headed for hr phone. She reluctantly called a taxi then headed back into the bathroom to try and clean some of the dried blood off of her arm. She sat on the toilet lid and stared at the shower remembering how hot she had turned it up this morning just to wash away her emotional pain. Why had she done that? Why had she started to resort back to using physical methods of hurt just to relief herself of her own mind? After sitting there for what seemed like forever, she stood up and padded into her bedroom to get her coat. The sound of a car horn hit Sam's ears suddenly and she jumped. She grabbed her purse with her good hand and went out of her flat. Thank god she was on the bottom floor, she detested lifts and she didn't think she could handle another set of steps this morning. She ran out of the complex and into the awaiting taxi. The driver gave her a weird look, then she realised she still had the towel wrapped around her injured hand. Trying not to acknowledge him, she told him to go to the hospital and with that he smiled; obviously glad she was doing something about her still bleeding hand. She sat back and glanced out the window at the scene of the city unfolding before her. This was going to be a long day.

She entered the hospital after paying the driver and swiftly made for the staffroom. She let out a sigh of relief as no one was in there at the time of her entrance. After pulling her scrubs out of her locker, she set course for the toilets only to be stopped by Tess and Fletch on her way out of the door. "Hey Sam" Fletch said. Sam only smiled in response as she knew that all the pain she was feeling right now would become evident in her voice. She tried to shuffle past the pair of nurses but Tess grabbed her wrist and looked at her hand. "What have you done here Sam?" she questioned.

"Oh it's nothing..." Sam mumbled obviously not wanting the fuss of her two older colleagues.

"Well it doesn't look like nothing to me. How about you Fletch? Does that look like nothing?" Tess humoured in an attempt to get Sam to give in and tell them the truth. Fletch studied the blood sodden towel and shook his head. He gave Sam a disapproving look, which she replied to with a simple roll of her eyes. "It's nothing. Seriously" She protested.

"C'mon Sam let us remove whatever that is and stitch up the wound. Then you can be on your way." Fletch stated with a sense of determination in his voice. She huffed

"Fine, but only you two. No one else is to know about this okay?" With that both nurses nodded and escorted Sam out of the staffroom and into a small treatment room, away from the hustle and bustle of cubicles and gossiping nurses.

Sam dropped heavily down onto the bed. Tess took her hand in hers and slowly removed the towel. Sam winced as the material had been glued to her skin by the amount of dried blood that resided underneath. Fletch noticed the expression on her face and looked at her with a reassuring smile to try and calm her down. Tess dropped the towel onto the bed and lifted Sam's hand up to her eye line so she could inspect the wound properly. "Well that's in pretty deep so we'll have to x-ray it to make sure it hasn't hit any major vessels. Fletch could you get Tom for me please?" Tess asked. Sam looked up in quickly.

" Wait! No. Anyone but Tom. Please?" Sam pleaded to the two nurses. Fletch glanced over to Tess and Tess sighed.

"Fine go and see if Zoe's busy," and with that Fletch left the room. Tess looked at Sam and then back down to the hand she was holding cautiously. She sighed. This was going to be a hard case to deal with.

Both inhabitants of the room turned their heads to the sound of heels on the lino floor of the corridor and then the banging of the door as Zoe waltzed into the room followed by Fletch. "Okay now Sam, how did you do this?" She asked.

"I urm... slipped." She mumbled.

"And..."

"Fell on a smashed mug." She sighed.

"Well..." Zoe stated whilst thoroughly inspecting the palm of Sam's hand. "That is definitely in deep so we best get that x-ray sorted so I can remove it and you can get back to work. Tess will you sort that out for me?" Tess nodded and traipsed out of the room to call x-ray. Zoe glanced at Sam's facial expression and was worried by the fact that she seemed so empty and vacant from the world. "Sam?" The young doctor looked up and looked at Zoe. "Is everything okay?" She queried.

"Yeah." She stated coldly. Then averted her gaze back to her hand and then her lap.

"Sam?" Zoe stated again but this time her tone was more stern.

"Zoe I said there was nothing wrong and I meant it." Sam said aggressively as though she was expressing all her built up anger in one sentence. Zoe was taken aback by this and calmly looked away just as Tess came back into the room and explained that x-ray would be ready for Sam in a few moments.

* * *

Once Sam had arrived back from x-ray, surprisingly without being noticed by any of the other members of the ED staff, Zoe removed the large piece of ceramic which caused Sam to wince as it caught her skin several times on the exit from her palm. Zoe compared it to the size of the piece shown on the x-ray image and was satisfied that it had all been removed. Tess stitched her hand up and place steri-strips and gauze over before wrapping a bandage around it to ensure that nothing could get in to the wound to infect it. Sam was finally free to go and work but not until Zoe had had a word with her. Sam trudged up the stairs to Zoe's office remembering the thoughts that were going through her mind that morning when she was descending her own staircase before her incident. She reached the top and continued her journey to Zoe's office. She stood outside the door and took a deep breath. She knocked on the door waiting for Zoe's acceptance to enter. Sam heard the faint muffle of Zoe's accent and slowly entered the room. She closed the door and stood there awkwardly, drinking in the less familiar surroundings of the clinical leads office. Zoe gestured for Sam to sit in the chair that was positioned slightly on an angle to her desk. She leant forward and placed her elbows on the desk whilst taking in Sam's fragile appearance. She sighed. "So, Sam. What's up?" She asked gently in order to crack the walls that the blond had put up to protect her past.

"Like I told you before Zoe, nothing is wrong." She argued. Zoe sighed.

"C'mon Sam I know something is up. It's not like you to fall and hurt yourself like that. Plus, you look like you don't want to be here." Zoe said softly.

"People have accidents once in a while Zoe." Sam stated as a matter of fact. "And what do you mean by I don't want to be here. Of course I want to be here at work."

"Sam I don't mean here at the ED."

"Then what do you mean?"

"I mean here on the planet. You look as though you would be pleased if the ground were to swallow you up and never let you go." Zoe said calmly, but the worry was clear in her tone.

"Well maybe that's what I want." Sam mumbled.

"How long have you been feeling like this Sam?"

"A couple of weeks..." She said under her breath.

"Sam. Why didn't you say something?" Zoe questioned in a shocked manner.

"It's not something I tend to talk about to be honest."

"Sam. Talk to me. Tell me what happened to make you feel like this." Zoe said carefully whilst moving around her desk to come and sit in the chair next to Sam. Sam sighed. Zoe placed her arm around the young woman's shoulders and smiled reassuringly at her. Sam gulped and took another deep breath. She opened her mouth then closed it almost immediately as she thought of the right words to say that wouldn't incriminate her or the other member of the ED staff that was causing a lot of these feelings to go through her mind. She opened her mouth again and began to speak.

"It all started when..."

**I had to end it there otherwise I would have gone on for ages and then nothing relevant would of come out of it. **

**Thank you for reading. Please R&R. :D x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello there people. I am aware it's been around two months since I updated this story (hides in a corner of shame) but anyway here is chapter 4. Dedicated to Kasey, Danielle and Beth who will love the last part of this chapter. I do apologise as well because I'm not entirely happy with the middle of this fic. Slight warning of content to do with mental health and harm.**

**Hope you enjoy it.**

"_It all started when..."_

Sam hesitated. She drew in a deep breath and looked down to her feet which she was tapping rapidly on the floor. She hadn't actually realised she had been performing such an action, but nevertheless, it seemed to calm her slightly. She looked up at an awaiting Zoe and sighed. All of a sudden, Sam stood up and ran as fast as she could out of Zoe's office. She could here Zoe calling after her, but with the older doctor's usual foot attire, there was no way she would be able to catch Sam. Zoe sighed as she watched Sam proceed down the corridor and out of sight.

Sam barged her way into the ladies bathroom, not caring who could possibly be stood behind the door. Luckily for her, there was no one. Sam let out a sigh of relief as she stumbled into one of the cubicles, locked the door and hastily sat down on the lid of the toilet. After bringing her feet up to her chest, she put her head to her knees and began to cry ever so slightly. If anyone was to walk in now, her hard exterior would be none existent and she didn't think she'd be able to cope with that right now. Sam played with the bandage that covered her hand before unravelling it to expose the freshly stitched wound. She contemplated for a while as to what she should do with the bandage, which ended up being placed on her lap. Staring was all Sam seemed to do for the next 10 minutes before tracing the wound with her finger. Then, without fully realising it, she dug her nails into the wound causing some of the stitches to break. Blood poured out of the newly opened wound, and for once in what seemed like a life time, Sam was at ease

Cautiously, Sam opened the door that led from the toilets into the ED. She still couldn't believe that no one had noticed she was in there even though she had heard the occasional person wander in and out on many occasions. She walked over to the staffroom after realising she still wasn't ready for her shift. She approached her locker and quickly grabbed her stuff whilst ignoring the searing pain that resided in her hand and made a swift exit to the get changed.

Once changed, Sam made her way to reception and asked where she was going to be. Luckily for her, she was placed in resus, her favourite place to be when things were playing on her mind. The adrenaline rush of resus would make her forget about her troubles, well only until she finished her shift at least. She approached Ash to ask what cases there were, when she caught sight of Tom in the peripheral vision. 'Great.' She thought. 'Now I have to try and avoid him and Zoe.' This day wasn't going to plan at all for Sam.

Sam somehow made it to lunchtime without any confrontation from Zoe or Tom, until now. She walked into the staffroom to find Tom sat on a stool drinking a cup of coffee. He looked at her. This look turned into a stare as he caught sight of her hand. "Urm Sam?"  
"Yes Tom?"  
"What did you do to your hand?"  
"Oh I fell it's nothing. Trust me." He sighed as he watched Sam make her way over to her locker. His thoughts were a mix of worry and anger. Worried about her mental state of mind as she seemed somewhat withdrawn from the world that was unfolding in front of her, and anger because she was obviously hiding something from him. She hadn't gone out for drink, or anything for that matter, since his panic attacks. Tom sat still continuing to stare at Sam. Was this all his fault?  
He was brought out of his trance as Sam slammed her locker door with much more force than was needed and stormed out of the staffroom.

Once again Sam found herself in the ladies toilets. Her back press up against the cubicle wall as she slid down to sit on the floor. She put her head on her knees. 'That was close. Too close' she thought to herself. Her breathing started to increase in speed. She started to panic. She hasn't had a panic attack in years. Sam tried to slow her breathing before someone came in and noticed. After about 20 minutes, she managed to calm herself down enough to exit the cubicle. Staggering to the sink was the only thing she could manage due to the position she'd be sat in. Her legs just weren't cooperating at the precise moment in time. She glanced into the mirror. Who was the person staring back at her? It wasn't the Sam she knew. She didn't know herself. This was one of the only times Sam Nicholls would actually admit that she was scared. She scurried out of the toilets and headed straight to Zoe's office. "Ah Sam, what can I do for you?" Zoe asked. The concern evident in her voice.  
"I need to go Zoe" Sam panted. Clearly still shocked from her own mental admittance.  
"Go where?" Zoe queried.  
"Away from here. Just for today. Please Zoe?" Sam pleaded. If she was honest with herself, she'd of gotten on her knees and begged for Zoe to let her go. Zoe sighed. "Fine you can go. I'll see you tomorrow".  
"Thank you Zoe. And please, whatever you do, don't tell Tom." She stated.  
"I won't." Zoe said. She gave Sam smile which Sam replied to with a weak, forced smile of her own. She left Zoe's office and hurried to the staffroom. In record time Sam had gotten changed and left the ED. She didn't know where she was going to go, but she certainly wasn't going to go home. She didn't need Tom finding her and asking questions. Sam pulled out her phone and called the only person she could think of. She held it to her ear and let it ring. The person on the end picked up and Sam drew in a breath. "Hello Ian. Yeah it's me Sam. Listen I need your help."

**Thank you for reading and please review x**


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